Sometimes people wonder why, other times they just know.

 

Sometimes people have questions that they’re dying to find out the answers to but they don’t ask anyone, other times they know the answers but decide not to tell anyone.

 

Sometimes people have no clue at all. They wonder why things happened the way they did.

 

They wonder if there was any reason for things to happen the way they did.

 

They wonder if it’s their fault. They question everything, even though they think they have the answers to everything, and have all the answers for all of life’s doubts, questions, and worries.

 

For real there is no answer to any of the questions we ask ourselves. Things happen, people change, people love, people hate. There’s no real reason for any of the doubts we get, the worries we feel, and the thoughts we think. I don’t think there has to be a reason for everything.

 

If something happens, than that’s the best explanation there is; it happened. I try to tell myself that all the time, but whenever I do I get the question why?

I wonder why I’m thinking what I’m thinking and wonder why I feel the way I do. But there’s no real answer to my questions, no real reason for my feelings. They’re just feelings, and you can’t do much

about them. You can ignore them, but where’s that going to get you?

 

Confused?

 

Sometimes I get confused, I wonder if everything I worry about is for reason, or if it’s all for nothing. I wonder if the people I think about think about me. If not, than they do, if they do than they do. I hope they do. But if they don’t I can’t do anything about it, all I can do is deal.

 

Sometimes I look at pictures and see strangers in the background.

 

Sometimes I wonder how many strangers have pictures of me.

 

Sometimes I wonder if there’s someone else in this huge world I live in who would love me as equally as I love them.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I have a soul mate, or if I have three soul mates, sometimes I wonder why I feel the way I do, I wonder if you feel the same ways I do towards you, towards me. I wonder that if you don’t feel the same, than how do you feel towards me?

 

I wonder if you feel anything. And if you do feel something, is there a reason for it? I wonder if the only reason I like taking pictures is so I can remember. I wonder if it’s because I’m afraid of forgetting, afraid of forgetting the feelings I had, or the things I saw. I wonder if it’s because things are so amazing, and I wonder why they came here, or why I’m so intrigued by them. I wonder if it’s because the feeling of looking at something that you fall in love with isn’t something that happens everyday, I think about all the times I’ve wished or thought ‘I hope this moment never has to end’. But it always does. The feeling, not so much, the moment, always. But why?

 

I suspect that’s why we humans take photographs, because we’re afraid of forgetting. I wonder why one moment we can be thinking, and having deep thoughts about such serious things, and than 10 minutes later something else comes up, and the sincere feelings, and hard questions all float away into all the problems of the world. I wonder why things can’t just last. I wonder why I can’t just wake up every morning to flowers on my bedside table, and fresh sheets to go with them, and why can’t everything just happen like we imagine it to?

 

I wonder why our bodies are so complex, I wonder why my eyes can’t be blue when I want them to be, I wonder why I can’t make wishes and have them come true, I wonder why I can’t have dreams, and than have the perseverance to go along with them. I wonder why people get cancer, and why the bad people always get everything they want. I wonder why people pray, I wonder why there’s fate. I wonder what karma actually is.

 

I wonder if the word ‘normal’ actually has a definition. Than again it’s different for everyone. I wonder why the souls in my shoes are worn out, and why the ugliest shirt I own is my favorite, I wonder why money is the most important thing in life. I wonder why I always want what I don’t have. I wonder why I want long blonde hair.

 

I wonder why my favorite color is yellow, and I wonder why people wear earrings in their ears.  I wonder why I like my lip ring, and I wonder why some of us have fatal eye sight, when others, those who are lucky, don’t. I guess the only answer to any of these questions is that the bad things happen for a reason and that reason being; so that all the good things in life and in love can seem that much more amazing.

Andrew, women are the gold.

alrighty,
so tonight at the dinner table our converation topic came to be “women’s equality”. Carly has been working in social work, and has learned lots and wanted to inform me and Andrew. As she said tons I had opinions of my own that matched up with hers. Andrew laughed while we debated the issue. My pastor Scott once told me that the man is the steel in a relationship, and that the women is the gold, than he asked which is more valuable? Okay, so I’d love to be more valuable than my someday husband, but still. I think we have to .. you know .. weigh the two out? Maybe, I don’t know.
If you look at the french language all plurals are “he”,
in the bible it talks about women coming from men,
there are no swear words for men, I mean the “B” word.
Whenever men and women get into “young love” trouble,
the women or girl always gets blamed. The guys are just
sewing their seeds. Us girls aren’t always sugar&spice.
We get called the tramps, or the skoot, and he gets
high fives and respect from his “boiz”. We get called
names, and get labeled. NOT COOL.
so guys, is it to much to ask?

A LITTLE EQUALITY UP IN HURR?

4th round means to much.

auntie pam.
this is not my father, it’s peyton. wow,
I was looking at your picture, and
it makes me want to cry.
it’s not fair what is happening to you,
i’m sorry. I have questions about all this,
and I wonder why this sickness even exsist..
I’m sorry I haven’t called and talked to you,
I just feel nervous, and bad all at the same time,
my mom told me you would read that sometime,
whenever that is, I love you auntie.

xo

I must’ve done something right.

I know it is so cliche to tell you all this this way, if anyone can make me a better person you could. I’ve got to say that I must’ve done something good. We should wear jerseys, cause we make a good team. Except yours would look better than mine, cause you’re out of my leaugue.

• love
• laugh
• live
• eat
• envy

CARLY STRAKER.

When Peyton is not ready, she is surprised.

James & Gareth Winsor, Kayla Elaine Eaton, Lacey Dionne Bryan, Kyle and Parker Trimp

Yellowknife is somewhere I’ve been taken to settle down. I’ve been taught to live life in the North. Everyone knows everyone, and everything there is to know about them. You can try to hide to hide things about yourself, even though there really is no point to it. Sooner or later people will find out. I like to try new things, new hair colors, new peircings, new houses, new pictures, new clothes, new friends, new shoes. Everything. My parents have been pretty easy going about letting me do so. One new thing I fear them not letting me try is living in a different world. I say world instead of province, or city because to me it would be a different world. Different people, different streets, different timezone, different postal code = different world. Knowing me I would build up excitement inside, and I would pretend I wasn’t scared to move at all. When the day came that I would drag my suitcase to the trunk of my 4Runner, I would want to curl up, be stubborn, and forget I ever thought about leaving my small town. Right now I feel like Regina is where it’s at, Regina is all the rage to me. Maybe not to my parents, but to me it sure is. 

People say that up north, during the summertime we never lose our sun. They say it never goes down. That may be true in some cases, but for me it’s a whole other story. These past few summers living here all MY sun has been doing is setting.  The reason being people trying new things. Packing up thier over priced YK houses and moving away to warm, old-people cities. It all started the summer of 2002 when my oldest friends, The Malmstens’, moved to Kelowna. It seems as is they started the fad. After them came the Cooks’. My favorite hockey coach, and best eater I know. A few years later came James and Gareth Winsor. I become a Winsor Twin fan last year during Annie rehearsals. James was Mr. Warbucks, and I was little orphane Annie. YC came around and as Jasmin and James were attached at the hip all I had to do was mope around with Gareth. My parents loved him, as did I. I knew he was moving way before I ever thought of making myself his favorite. It didn’t matter though, what mattered was the monthe that he had left with me. I made the best of it, only disagreeing with him once. Me and James were still perfect friends. James, Jasmin, Gareth and I called ourselves the trio, even if there were 4 of us. We went camping, we went to Edmonton, we made cake,  had birthday parties, and we even ended up having to say goodbye. June 19th 2006, James and Gareth drove out of the school parking lot as all us fans stood and waved goodbye. I felt as if it was a rather dramatic ending of the school year, but I also felt like it was a much needed ending.  A week later one of my best friends Kayla Eaton moved to B.C. I remember walking up to Shell one night and seeing her mom standing in front holding her slurpie crying. Wow, I thought. Yellowknife, why do you stink so bad? I hugged her and said bye to Kayla with all the same people that cried for Gareth and James. Just hours after Kayla left I was informed that my best pal Lacey Dionne would be moving to Halifax in 2 days. Boy was I dreading this stupid summer holiday…

 Summer was normal, Mara Lake, Kelowna, The Villas, wakeboarding, the Cliffs, the skatepark, Shell.

Everything was fine untill Brianne and Arlen’s wedding when it was really goodbye to the Trimps’. Everyone was there, the whole motley crue. Even Andrew was there. I hated knowing that they were moving to Regina. I felt like I was missing out on Kyle and Parker, and I didn’t feel like I deserved it ( still don’t).

Today, it has been announced that Harley, Zach and Randi Squires will be moving to Newfounland on July 9th.

KARMA?